


FFXV AU AU AUD

by danman91



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-14 04:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21009449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danman91/pseuds/danman91
Summary: A Final Fantasy XV (FFXV) Alternate Universe (AU) story set in Australia (AU) with Australian money (AUD).





	1. Chapter 1

Once upon a fanfiction, there were 5 brothers named Ignis, Wignis, Dignis, Fignis and Pignus.  
There were actually 6 brothers, but we don’t talk about Shignis.  
All brothers did have a mother but she wasn’t very creative, hence the names.  
The brother’s father is actually a time travelling alien who flips off various deities with over 12,000 middle fingers.  
Ignis, Wignis, Dignis, Fignis and Pignus would always fight as they knew one of them was the King but none of them were really sure who it was. Some days they would take turns being the King with an order as follows: 2 Kings in the morning, 1 King at lunchtime, a one-hour break with no king, 1 king in the afternoon and then 1 king until midnight. Although if it was a full moon, the midnight king would be king all night until 11:21 am the next day.  
One day all brothers were lazing around their house in the Australian outback when Wignis ran into the loungeroom and excitedly did a double front flip to land on the hover sofa.  
“My favourite show is about to start!” shouted Wignis as he flopped onto the soft part of the hover sofa. The mutated octopus rats that lived in the Sofa were very upset by the sudden impact to their home. They didn’t mind having guest as long as they were given notice that the guest was coming so that they could prepare their home accordingly, which included: washing their sheets, preparing a nice soup over the fire, singing the song of their people for 22 ½ hours and executing all the required legal documentation.  
Wignis used his elemancy (which was a combination of tasteful pole dancing and static electricity) to turn on the TV. “Hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of snails” said the announcer on the TV (a giant animatronic dinosaur made of cars). “Today we will be looking at the…” Wignis leaned forwards as the channel suddenly changed to channel 94837.6.  
As Wignis turned his head slowly in shock, his forehead dripping with sweat and his eyes burning with rage, he saw Fignis next to him on the hover sofa greedily gobbling up sweet corn and pieces of tyres in a bowl. “Change it back!” demanded Wignis in a gruff but calming voice.  
“Nah” said Fignis. This was the usual response from Fignis as this is all Fignis has ever said and will ever say, but this is why he was the most hated of all the brothers and why no body likes him. Also, because Fignis eats babies in his spare time.  
“How dare you sir! You have besmirched me and now I challenge you to a monkey unicycle race around the world” said Wignis in best William Shatner impression.  
“Nah!” shouted Fignis in agreeance as the two brothers started to prepare their monkeys for the great unicycle race. At this point Dignis the most handsome and pure brother walked into the room.  
He stared on in amazement as he watched the preparations in progress.  
“Wignis, if you use the WQZ screwdriver on your unicycle, it will give you a + 5” announced Dignis.  
“Thanks for the tip bro!” winked Wignis “You are so handsome and pure, we all love you…unlike Fignis” he said as he glared across, eyes burning with the hatred of a thousand suns at Fignis.  
“Ha ha ha” laughed Dignus as he puffed his chest out dramatically. The walls of the house then grew thousands of hands to they could give Dignus a round of applause.  
At this Dignus went to lean on the hover sofa but accidently tripped, tipping the sofa off its horizontal access and causing it to tumble to the ground. As this unfolded a golden fish shaped sword clanged to the floor.  
Dignus picked up the sword and let out a hefty laugh, for he knew that this was definitely probably one of the 15 magical Magguffin weapons for some reason.


	2. Chapter 2

A few months later Wignis and Fignis finished their monkey unicycle race around the world. Unfortunately this particular contest was a draw which left both brothers in the same state as before they left. After an exciting battle featuring Ice, butterflies, transforming hair, lawyers and anti-gravity machine guns, the brothers decided to sit down and have some delicious ice tea to settle their differences. Both brothers sat on the hover sofa sipping their ice tea. Their smooth, delicious, light, refreshing, 99% fat free glasses of cold ice tea delight. As they sat and drank their ice tea, Wignis and Fignis let their minds wander to other times of drinking ice tea. Wignis sighed as he remembered the luscious meadows of grass in London town where he and his romantic partner used to roll down endless hills drinking ice tea while avoiding the deadly wasps the size of elephants.  
Fignis let out a soft “Nah” as his mind travelled back to when he used to be an Olympic trampoline athlete. Jumping up and down, flipping through the air while drinking his ice tea and composing poetry in his mind mostly comprising of dragons and toothpicks. Of course whenever he recites this poetry it comes out as variously different pitches of “Nah”. Since no one likes drinking from pitches, this increased everyone’s hate of Fignis even more.  
As both brothers turned their heads out of their daydreams they noticed Dignis still standing where they left him months ago. Dignis was observing the Maggufin sword with a steady but pure eye. As Dignis had not moved an inch in months he was very much dead.  
Wignis and Fignis used their Elemancys to revive Dignis which involved hot chocolate, the number 7 and half a camel.  
As the soul of Dignis returned to his body and his decrepit skeleton bones reformed the muscle and skin around them, he then loudly exclaimed “by joe I’ve got it!”.  
Wignis and Fignis couldn’t help but applause Dignis’s new accent as it was so wonderfully British.  
“This is one of the 15 magical MacGuffin weapons!” exclaimed Dignis. “Now we only have 14 left to find”. At his point Ignis walked in but as Ignis is the most average man on earth with nothing special about him whatsoever in any capacity he just said “Hi” while eating an average sandwich made of normal white bread, a single slice of standard cheese, a single cut of basic ham and covered in special average sauce. Ignis shrugged as he ate his sandwich. “Who is King today?” asked Ignis averagely. “Why I believe it’s Pignis today!” bellowed Dignis as everyone gave him a round of applause. Pignis then skated in on his skateboard made of magic and skulls. “What up my main dudes?!” asked Pignis with an oink. This wasn’t unusual from Pignis as he was indeed a giant skateboarding pig wearing a Hawaiian shirt with long flowing blonde hair.  
“Nah” said Fignis as he started thinking about the next baby he was going to eat.  
“Yo I can dig what you are putting down” nodded Pignis as he took a drag of his own hair lit on fire.  
“Gentlemen” said Dignis in a tough New York accent. “We now have our mission, we must collect the other 14 magical MacGuffin weapons, with your majesty’s permission of course?”.  
“Yea sure” said Ignis in the most average tone anyone could imagine after he finished clapping for Dignis. “But first it’s time for my favourite show!” yelled Wignis as he did a double backflip to land on the soft part of the hover sofa. “With your permission of course your royal highness?” enquired Wignis bowing slightly to Ignis. “Yea sure” said Ignis in an average sort of way as he sat averagely and uninterestingly on the hover sofa. All 5 brothers gathered up on the hover sofa ready to watch the wonderful world of snails. Before the show started they all pulled out $20 AUD and gave each other the money. By doing this over and over each brother received $20 and this is how they made money so they did not have to work a day in their lives. As the show progressed the announcer was just about to have a closer interview with the rare white tailed jumping snail of Africa when suddenly the TV, the wall behind the TV and most of the left side of the house was ripped away and flung 6,432.9 KM away. The brothers sat in shock as before them stood a Skeleton Cowboy carrying an umbrella and wearing a swimming cap. “First of all, I hate you Fignis!” yelled the skeleton cowboy, while pointing his bone finger at Fignis. Fignis was half way through eating a baby but still managed to get out a muffled “Nah?!” through the bits in his mouth. Everyone nodded in agreeance with the skeleton cowboy as Ignis started to write an average list of why everyone hates Fignis. About 20 minutes later after Ignis had finished his list the skeleton cowboy continued “Second, as you have one of the magical Magguffin weapons and I have one of the magical Magguffin weapons there is only one way to settle this”. “What’s your idea bro? Like the main idea my main man?” said Pignis lazily.  
“I challenge you to a breakdancing contest!” cackled the skeleton cowboy.  



	3. Chapter 3

“What do ye say?” said the skeleton cowboy. “Nah” yelled Fignis in clear defiance.  
The clock chimed as it turned from afternoon to evening, the King then changed from Ignis to Pignis.  
“Like yo man, as the king alright bro, this is totally unexpectable. You feel me broseph?” oinked Pignis as he fell asleep. “My apologies your majesty” said the skeleton cowboy as he bowed to Pignis. After 45 mins Pignis woke up and began again “Man, like, yo…you need to go through the proper channels my main man. Go and knock on the door and introduce yourself first you square”.  
At this the skeleton cowboy started spinning on his head and moved like this all the way around to the door. He then pressed the doorbell which was shaped like a smaller doorbell inside an even smaller doorbell. Dignis yelled around the side of the house “Our doorbell doesn’t work!”.  
The skeleton cowboy then jumped on his head, span around to the destroyed side of the house and summoned 90 million tiny imp daemons. The daemons all started loudly applauding Dignis, which was unfortunate at this sound destroyed the rest of the house except for the door.  
The door was made out of hardened bricks. Earlier in their lives the brothers had also built doors in their house made of sticks, wood, the barking of dogs materialised into a doorframe and hardened Japanese steel. None of these doors remained standing though when the big bad Cthulhu came along.  
After the imps had finished clapping for Dignis, the skeleton cowboy dismissed them back to their infernal realm from which they had spawned. He then grew two heads to he could head spin back to the wooden door faster. When he got there he went to ring the door bell but remembered good ol’ Dignis’s advice and instead knocked on the door. “That’s not the right knock” said Ignis averagely.  
The skeleton cowboy then tried a series of knocks including knocking in German, Italian, Russian and Spanish. Eventually he settled on the classic Knock Knock scenario. Knock Knock went the skeleton cowboy. “Who is there?” replied Wignis. “Ardan” replied Ardan. “Like, Ardan who?” enquired Pignis. Ardan sat down on the front door step for a while is he did not have an answer for the brothers. Ardan took off his swimming cap revealing his majestic long flowing red hair. The hair dropped to the ground with a soft thud that caused the ground to shake in a radius of 12 Kilometres.  
This made Ignis fall off the hover sofa, but he fell so averagely that nobody noticed.   
After an hour Fignis hopped off the hover sofa and opened the front door. “Nah” said Fignis as he consoled Ardan sitting on the door step. Fignis slowly put his arm across the shoulder bones of Ardan with the classic yawning at the movie move. The yawn still came out as a “Nah” sound.  
Even though this move was extremely cliché Ardan didn’t pull back as his eyes looked up to see Fignis looking directly at him with his best bedroom eyes. Ardan was in shock as Fignis slowly placed his hand on Ardan’s hand. Ardan thought to himself “But I hate him, I should be impaling him on my umbrella right now…so why am I not pulling back?”. Before Ardan could answer himself he found himself curled up in Fignis’s arms. “Nah” whispered Fignis as he ran his fingers through Ardan’s vivid red hair. Ardan put his head on Fignis’s chest and slowly fell asleep listening to his heart beat. Fignis’s heart beat also sounded like “Nah” beating every few seconds.  
When Ardan woke up he was in the 7th infernal layer of hell surrounded by murderers, thieves, liars and people who walk slowly. Ardan jumped up and screamed out in anger as he realised his magical Magguffin weapon was missing. The brothers now had their second magical Magguffin weapon.  



	4. Chapter 4

Back at the house Pignis was examining the 2nd magical Magguffin weapon which was shaped like sheep Nunchaku. The Nunchaku was a sentient magical weapon that liked to tell Dad jokes.  
“I was born at a very young age” said the sheep Nunchaku in a Swedish accent. “Did you know they usually build a town graveyard right in the middle of town?”. “Really?” said Wignis over the shoulder of Pignis. “Indeed, It’s the dead centre of town!” laughed the Nunchaku as he grew little hands and feet so he could kick dance out of the room. Before the Nunchaku could get away, it was scooped up by Ignis as he entered the room so averagely that no one noticed. “Hi brothers, I guess” spoke Ignis averagely. “I once saw a giraffe on the way to work” said the Nunchaku. “How did you know it was on it’s way to work?” exclaimed Dignus as he cartwheeled into the room. “Ah! You got me” said the Nunchaku as it jumped up to give Dignus a high five. The Nunchaku then withdrew it’s arms and legs and went to sleep. At this time Pignus skated into the room with an oink. “Like who is King at the moment man?”. “Well it’s lunchtime, so no one” said Wignis, “But after lunch it will be Fignis”.  
“Great man, well like, we need a plan bro for these magical Magguffin weapons and like whatever yo. So let us go and meet with the Fignis broseph”. The brothers all agreed to this and went about searching for Fignis. After 98 seconds of searching they remembered that it’s Tuesday to Fignis is probably down the road hanging out with Shindy. All 4 brothers jumped on Pignus’s skateboard (stacked up in a fighting robot style) and hurried along to Good ol Shindy’s workshop.  
As they arrived at Good ol Shindy’s workshop the brothers took a moment to take in the sights of good ol Shindys. In case you haven’t taken in the sights yourself, Good ol Shindys is a mechanic shop that looks like a regular garage. Yep a regular garage with a car pit, wheel rotators and engine block pully system. This regular garage is backed on to a tri-story mansion made of gold.  
As the brothers took in the sights there was a loud explosion and a puff of dust that came from the garage (not the tri-story mansion). Everyone jumped off the skateboard and dashed over to the commotion at full speed. Ignis arrived first but he did so averagely that no one noticed so Wignis arrived on the scene first. Through the dust Wignis could see Fignis upside down in a barrel, 43 pixies flying about in chaos and good ol Shindy in the middle of it all. Good ol Shindy had his usual prospector clothes on which included overalls, a pickaxe and a big brown floppy hat. “Con sarnt it ya big dumb gallof!” stomped Good ol Shindy angrily. “I told ya to get the spanner. Not to release all me beautiful pixies! It will take me dickity six hours to capture all these varmonts again!”. “Nah!” gurgled Fignis upside down in the water barrel. “Ah, that makes sense, all is forgiven” said good ol Shindy with a smile.  
The other brothers jumped in to help using their combined elemancy which involved penguins, trees and destroying the universe and then rebuilding it.  
After the universe was rebuilt again but with the pixies back in their cages, Ignis averagely pulled Fignis out of the barrel and started to berate him “Listen you big idiot, first of all everyone hates you, and second..”. Right at this moment Ignis’s watch beeped averagely which meant it was after lunch and Fignis was King.  
“Your majesty” bowed ignis averagely. “We beseech thee, guide us with your wisdom into what we shall do about the wicked Magguffin weapons we have claimed!”.  
“Nah!” exclaimed Fignis pointing his hand at the shoes of Ignis. “Of course your majesty! We shall start the show stopping tap dance number immediately!” At this all the brothers ripped away their clothes to reveal their fine white tuxedoes underneath. Good ol’ Shindy also attempted to do this but as he was not prepared for the big tap dance routine this left him in a loin cloth shaped like a spanner. A very long spanner. Pignis stepped into the middle “A five, six, seven eight” counted in Pignis as everyone started their tap dance routine. It sounded something like this:  
Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Oink Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap like Tap man Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Nah Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap applause for Dignis Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Nah Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap average Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap average Tap Tap Tap applause for Dignus Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap like dude Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap oink Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap oink.  



	5. Chapter 5

Good ol Shindy sat around an open fire roasting marshmallows with the brothers. This was especially dangerous as this was inside the living room of the tri-story gold mansion. Luckily Dignis was subtly using his elemancy to cast a forcefield around the group so as not to set everything on fire.  
Good Ol Shindy was now changed into his wizard clothes and was sitting on his beard which he had magically weaved into a chair. “So” began Good ol Shindy, “Why did ya darn varmints come a gollotin over in my direction consarnit?”. “Nah” said Fignis in a regal tone as he munched on his baby shaped marshmallow on a stick. “Well why didn’t ya say so your majesty?!” said Goold ol Shindy jumping out of his beard chair “Ill get yer fine machine for ya right away your highness!”.  
Good ol Shindy raced off to the outside with the brothers in tow.  
After 78 seconds there was a roar of an engine and Good ol Shindy drifted around the corner in the brothers car. This car was a Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible which all the brothers loved with all their heart. “She’s all fixed from your last adventure with captain admiral Tango del Death Sandwich” touted Good ol Shindy “That will be one million dollars as usual fee”. The brothers nodded and all pulled out $20 AUD. Each brother gave each other brother $20 AUD until they had enough to give Good Ol Shindy for his services. Pignis turned to Fignis “Well like my main King man, what is your devine plan your utmost excellence, for we as your humble servants shall..” at this time Pignis’s watch beeped which meant it was time to switch Kings to Wignis. “You like, idiot of all ages, we all hate you” yelled Pignis as he punched Fignis in the face knocking him out cold.  
With an outstretched hand Wignis exclaimed “We must travel to the Kingdom of Elevenbra and meet with Queen Goldvia and Princess SunTight to seek their council of the other magical Maggufin weapons!”. “Brilliant and amazing idea your majesty!” yelled back Dignis in a Russian accent.  
Ignis also agreed with this plan but he did it so averagely that no one noticed.   
Good ol Shindy jumped out of the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible and the brothers started piling in. Wignis picked up Fignis’s lifeless body and threw it in the trunk. Pignis jumped on his skateboard with a loud oink and held on to the car with his left hand giving the thumbs up with his right hand that he was ready to go. Wignis then jumped in the drivers seat and the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible sped off in a cloud of dust.


	6. Chapter 6

The Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible was blazing down the open and straight road in the Australian outback along with Pignis riding his skateboard while holding on the door.  
Ignis was in the back with his arm up on the window averagely chilling out, Dignis was up front navigating with King Wignis driving. Fignis was still knocked out in the trunk which is the way everyone liked it. All was going well until a dark figure appeared on the road far ahead in the distance. The figure was standing in the middle of the road not moving. Dignis was the first to notice and shouted a warning out “What is that thing?! Be careful your highness!”. Wignis gave Dignis a round of applause and then said “Fear not, because as King I have the eyes of an eagle, the speed of a cheetah, the sharp reflexes of…” Bang! The Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible hit the figure on the road which thumped over the car and splatted on the road behind them. This almost caused Pignis to lose his balance on the road but luckily the thought of his Hawaiian shirt fluttering in the breeze kept him going. Wignis slammed on the breaks as the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible came screeching to a halt. Ignis, Dignis, Pignis and Wignis all looked back at the figure on the road. The figure slowly picked itself up, dusted itself off and lowered the hood off it’s head revealing a Skeleton Cowboy carrying an umbrella and wearing a swimming cap. “Wait a minute!” objected Wignis “We already dealt with you in Chapter 3 Ardan!”. A slight grin showed across the face of the figure as it responded in a German accent “Oh ya, that was my brother Ardan. But I am one of Ardan’s brothers. Fear me as you hear my terrifying name. Brdan!”  
The brothers all face palmed simultaneously as they figured out that there must be 26 sibling Skeleton Cowboy carrying an umbrella and wearing a swimming cap all up. As the brothers finished face palming Brdan starting charging up. Before the brothers had time to react Brdan transformed into a 3 story tall jet black scorpion and charged towards the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible. “Like, step on it your main majesty king man” said Pignis as he grabbed on to the side of the car. Wignis slammed his foot on the accelerator and as the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible took off once again down the straight road in the Australian outback. Giant Scorpion Brdan quickly caught up the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible and down came a massive claw aiming right at the car. Wignis swerved just in time for the claw to miss and crack down on the road. “Permission to engage the enemy your highness?” enquired Ignis. Wignis almost missed this because it was so average but after a moment he fiercely responded “permission granted! Fire at will!”. At this the Magguffin Nunchaku poked it’s head out of Dignis’s bag and said “But we have no one named Will to fire at?”. “Quite you!” said Dignis as he stuffed the Magguffin Nunchaku back into the bag. Giant Scorpion Brdan was getting ready to slam it’s other massive claw down when Pignis activated his elemancy growing a huge pair of angel wings (made of smaller pigs sown together) and flew up into the air dropping his skateboard into the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible on his way up. Pignis grabbed the claw in mid air and struggled to keep it from crashing down. With all of his might Pignis grappled with the claw until at last he got into a position move the claw up and down in such a way that it looked like a giant handshake. Since Pignis had now given Brdan a gentlemanly handshake, Brdan knew the rules quite clearly and transformed back into a Skeleton Cowboy carrying an umbrella and wearing a swimming cap to attend the tea party.  



	7. Chapter 7

The sun had gone down on the Australian Outback as Ignis, Dignis, Pignis and Wignis sat down with Brdan to the splendid tea party laid out before them. The table was set with a red table cloth and had all sorts of yummy treats on it including tea, cake, potatoes, strawberry tarts, goose liver pate, croissants, goat, jam filled doughnuts, coffee, kababs, fresh squeezed juice, mice, steak, onions, eggs, toast, liquorice, crumpets, strudel, pasta, sausages, pizza, garlic bread, custard, spinach, carrots, peas, mushrooms, tomatoes and a tofu baby for Fignis.  
“Indubitably old boy” said Wignis drinking his tea with his pinkie raised high in the air.  
“I must also say” said Dignis sitting on penny-farthing wearing his 1 ton top hat.  
“Like, here here and what what man” added Pignis while dancing a fine gentlemanly jig.  
“Yes” said Ignis averagely sitting on a chair with his arms by his side looking straight ahead.  
There was a muffled screaming (still sounded like Nah) from the trunk of the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible. Dignis looked over “Oh my, I do believe our sweet pip brother has awoken from his forced nap. May I rouse him from his sleep Governor”?. “Oh jolly good show” replied Wignis with a nod. After the group finished applauding Dignis he headed over and popped the boot of the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible. At this point Fignis jumped out with a “Nah” and bolted straight to the table to devour the tofu baby. Fignis was unhappy that it wasn’t a real baby but he was so hungry from being knocked out this whole time that he scoffed it down without another thought.  
Brdan stood up and addressed the brothers “My dear chaps” he began. Fignis looked up from his devoured tofu baby and let out a shocked “Nah” before rushing towards Brdan. Luckily Pignis tackled him with and oink and a Nah. “Fignis!” scolded Pignis “you know the rules, I shook his hand so right now we are heaving a tea party, no fighting until it’s done!”. Fignis withdrew with a sarcastic “Nah”. And sat down next to the table. “My dear chaps” began Brdan again “We seem to be at a bit of a sticky wicket. You have two of my jolly good Magguffin weapons and I require them back what what”. Wignis stood up as everyone bowed to the king “Well I’ll be chugered. We didn’t know they were your weapons old bean. But I’m afraid we cannot give them back as we must collect all of the 15 Magical Magguffin weapons for the good of the world right-o”. Brdan stood up, puffed out his chest, placed a plate on his head and started walking around the table keeping the plate perfectly balanced while saying “Oh what a right bother this tangles yarn is. You see me and my brothers were so close to gathering all the Maggufin weapons ourselves. We only had the last one to find and we searched high and low for it old bean.”. “Nah” said Fignis smugly. “I know it was in your hover sofa what what cricket” continued Brdan as he paced “It was the last place we would look jolly good!”.  
Everyone sat down and pondered the situation while stroking their beards. Although since none of them had beards they all stroked their chin bones. Brdan did this literally. After a while Ignis averagely pulled a D20 out of his pocket and said “Well, let’s let the fates decide I guess. Maybe”.  
Brdan shrugged and said “by jove, that’s the only idea we have so I guess so what what Buckingham Palace”. Brdan took the D20 and rolled it on the table. The brothers all leaned forward as the dice came to a stop on 15. “Like, that’s a pretty good roll” oinked Pignis. “And don’t forget my +1 modifier what what spotted dick” laughed Brdan with his skeleton chest puffed out.  
Fignis quickly scooped up the die and was about to roll it when Wignis tackled him to the ground “no no! Thou will not be rolling for us fine gentleman you cad hearted fiend!”. “Nah!” screamed out Fignis as he fought with Wignis. During this commotion Ignis picked up the die, walked over to the table and averagely rolled the die. Everyone held their breath as the dice bounced of a tea pot, jumped over custard and curved around the spinach to land on 14. The brothers gasped as Brdan jumped out of his chair “Aha! I won! Therefore I announce this tea party is over and with the permission of the King I shall take back my Magguffin weapons! Mwahahaha!” laughed Brdan as he grew a second skull head and began break dancing. Wignis looked down in shame, fighting back the tears. Wignis slowly raised his head to announce Brdan the winner when there was an interruption shouted out. “Nah!” screamed out Fignis as he pushed Wignis off him. “I can’t believe I am saying this” started Dignis as he threw up in his mouth a little “But Fignis is right!”. Dignis couldn’t hold it as he said this and vomited so hard that his intestines almost came out his mouth. Dignis swallowed his intestines down again and continued “What is OUR modifier on this?”. Wignis slowly raised his head with a smug grin “he he he…it’s +3!”. “WWAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!” shrieked Brdan as he froze in place. Brdan went blue and then remaining perfectly still, cracks stared appearing all over his body. A loud crash like a breaking mirror rang out ad Brdan broke into a million and 4 pieces on the ground.  
“Cool” said Ignis averagely as he went to high five his brothers. After the brothers had finished high fiving and applauding Dignis, they packed up the tea party and hoped back into the Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible and sped off. Wignis shouted out to Pignis “Get inside! We are about to take off!”. Pignis was confused by this for a second and then remembered that they were going to the Kingdom of Elevenbra, which is on Venus. Pignis jumped in as Wignis pulled the gold level by the driver’s seat. The Voltz Wagen Beetle convertible screeched to a halt, the space canopy closed over the brothers while the car tilted up to a vertical angle. With and oink and a Nah the engines activated and the car rose up into the air and flew into outer space.  
  
To be continued?


End file.
